Seven Mormons Walk Into A Bar...

My mind tried to trace the events that lead to me sitting here in this bar, my cheeks burning red as the drunk singer approached our table—a table with seven Mormon women. We whispered comments with each other, giggled nervously, and generally avoided looking back at him as he sang, “I want to do bad things to you.” Each time he sang that line, he came closer and closer to our table.

The idea for this night out was mine. The venue was not. I picked the date that looked the most viable after knew peak would be winding down and begged my friends for a girl’s night. Immediately *Fancy (*names have been changed to protect the embarrassed) suggested karaoke. Her enthusiasm was matched by *Carrie’s. I didn’t really care what we did, as long as I got out so I left the planning to them.

We met up at the church (which we got a giggle about considering our destination), and the seven of us piled into Fancy’s minivan as we discussed our options. Apparently, the place Carrie had picked was a dive in an unsavory part of town. We started driving and selected the first option Google gave us that looked to be in a (slightly) better part of town, with good karaoke reviews.

By 9 o’clock, we saw the place we were looking for and Fancy turned down the next street to park, not realizing she had turned the wrong way onto a one way street to park. We got turned around and parked, unloading the van full of giggling moms.

The place was nearly empty, which I hadn’t expected, so it was impossible to slip in without attracting the attention of the few people there. We found the only table that would accommodate our group, front and center to the karaoke area. We sat down, still laughing over the general weirdness of the night. We ordered our Shirley Temples, waters, and sodas, and asked for the food menu. We made our selections and waited and waited and waited, probably over an hour. Apparently if we were going to order food, I was going to have to go up to the bar to order it.

By this time, the Karaoke had started and we had all seven got up together (thanks for that , Carrie) and embarrassed ourselves singing “Party in the USA.” The braver among us had done a solo or two. We clapped and cheered generously for everyone who sang, especially anyone from our group. I was surprised by the talent of some, and enjoyed even more the performance of those with less singing talent.

I stood up to go to the bar and order our appetizers. There was only one gap at the bar two stools wide, so I easily selected that spot to order. I tried to act nonchalant, as I approached the bar between the two open stools, giving myself the most room and hopefully avoiding any contact with the increasingly drunk men at the bar. It didn’t work. *Harry Chapin immediately swung over toward me with a crooked grin. “You all sing?” he asked. I was confused by his questions, since he had been cheered loudly after we had all attempted to sing together. I guessed maybe he was asking if we were all going to get up and sing individually. Which I had no intention of doing. “Oh, you know, we’re just a bunch of moms out for a night to embarrass ourselves.” He made some reply, which I acknowledged with nod, as I gratefully noticed a TV with a game on, the opposite direction of Harry. I leaned my arms on the bar and turned as though interested in the game. I have no idea even what sport I was watching, but I watched it intently until the bartender approached to take my order.

We ate our toasted ravioli and onion rings and enjoyed the karaoke. Somehow, I got roped into being back up for Fancy singing Ice Ice Baby. That happens to be the only line I know from that song, and oddly, doesn’t actually appear in the lyrics in the karaoke version we were singing. So I had to compensate with my mad gangster moves. I look up to see a friend (who hadn’t been persuaded to get up and embarrass herself), taking a video. By the last verse, Fancy is done and is laughing more than singing. People who can’t see us from their seat are coming to look around the corner to watch the fiasco. We finish off by ignoring the actual lyrics and just singing “ice ice baby” repeatedly until it was over.

As the bar filled and people became more intoxicated, we began to feel more and more out of place. Harry was a regular along with our group in the singing rotation, singing every few songs. It was easy to see him becoming more and more inebriated each time he performed, and now he was pretty well sauced as he gestured toward us singing, “I want to do bad things to you.” The general consensus seemed to be that we had had enough fun for the night.

We learned they don’t charge you for non-alcoholic drinks. None of us was sure if that is normal for a bar, or if they just really appreciated us for our entertainment value. (I can assure you many people got a good laugh at our expense). We left a tip larger than our bill and left, enjoying the fresh, not-smoky air outside the bar.

We headed over to The Cheesecake Factory, where we all felt a bit more at home. We all ordered cheese cake, passed our plates around to try each one, and laughed about the night. It was fun for a night, but I don’t expect I’ll be heading back to a bar anytime soon. I asked to see the video of Fancy and me singing/dancing/making giant fools of ourselves. I watched for a minute and then hit “delete.” And it’s like it never happened.

Through her eyes

Copy this note, ask your kid(s) the questions and write down the answers exactly as they say them. I think this would be even better on video since it was pretty cute watching her come up with the answers.

1.What is something mom always says to you?

Skyla: I love you

2. What makes mom happy?

Skyla: Us being happy

3. What makes mom sad?

Skyla: When we’re sad

4. How does your mom make you laugh?

Skyla: Tickling

5. What was your mom like as a child?

Skyla: little

6. How old is your mom?

Skyla: 61

7. How tall is your mom?

Skyla: 14

8. What is her favorite thing to do?

Skyla: play with us

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?

Skyla: cooks, or be on the computer

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?

Skyla: looking good

11. What is your mom really good at?

Skyla: cooking

12. What is your mom not very good at?

Skyla: teaching the dog to not bite

13. What does your mom do for her job?

Skyla: taxes

14. What is mom's favorite food?

Skyla: vegetables

15. What makes you proud of your mom?

Skyla: dancing with us in my room to the radio

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?

Skyla: Karma Grow

17. What do you and your mom do together?

Skyla: go play at fun places and buy stuff for Christmas

18. How are you and your mom the same?

Skyla: we both like flowers

19. How are you and your mom different?

Skyla: she has darker hair

20. How do you know your mom loves you?

Skyla: she says it every day

21. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?

Skyla: costco

A Fitting Fate

Dunked in a sink full of water. Such an appropriate destruction for a book about the life of a mother. Downright poetic.

Mission Impossible: The perfect Christmas picture with Jade

Taking pictures of kids is soooo hard. Taking pictures of three young kids together is darn near impossible if you want them all still, smiling, and looking at the camera. Still, I try.

Over the years, I have managed to get some really cute Christmas picture of my kids, if I do say so myself. In 2008, I got this cute shot with my one and three year old. Isn't Preston's suit the cutest thing ever? I've spent the last three years trying to find another one just like it.



In 2009, I managed to get this little bit of adorableness, even with a six week old baby:



In 2010, it was a nightmare, but ultimately I trapped Jade (my little runner) by setting them up on the server where she couldn't get away, and managed to get a decent picture:



This year I was hoping it would be easier. When Preston was Jade's age (in the 2009 picture), not only did he cooperate reasonably well, he also held the new baby up for the picture as well! Surely, if he could do that, Jade could sit and smile for a fraction of a second, right?

Wrong. Here are some outtakes:

She played with her shoes.


She blinked (wait, is she rolling her eyes? Probably).


She did this. A lot.


Here's one that's kind of cute, at least Skyla and Preston are smiling at the camera while Jade looks tenderly at her brother.


Oh, wait, not what was happening.



She stuck out her tongue and spit raspberries.


She yawned.


She looked bored.


She ran off (with the stool she was sitting on) leaving her brother and sister still leaning over where she was supposed to be. (They were quite the troopers, I have to give them credit.)


She took her headband out.


She took her sister's bow out (look at Skyla's face :)).


Is it possible I got one? Jade looks a bit goofy and the shadow from the flash is pretty bad, but we might have to call it good enough....except, does it look like she's flipping me off? Yes, yes it does.


Suddenly, I realize that the very first picture I took and hated at the time for the terrible photography (and the fact that you can see Preston's white socks), is starting to look like a perfectly good picture...


At that point, I was running out of time and even my big kids were running out of patience. So what's your vote? White socks, Jade before she pushes Preston away, or flipping off the camera?

Hey, remember when I used to blog??

This HUGE post is all about Skyla. This little smarty pants is heading to kindergarten in just two weeks. *sniffle* It's a good thing, too. Debating this kid takes my full attention and brain capacity and quite frankly, she often gets me exactly where she wants me...confused enough to give in. She is learning lots of other valuable skills (besides her highly developed skill of manipulation, which we like to call "future leadership abilities"). She is starting to sound out simple words and I think will pick up reading pretty easily this year in school.

Skyla has had some big events this year. She learned to ride a two-wheeler this spring, and is swimming well, also. She also started gymnastics this summer and is doing very well. Here she is mid cartwheel.


Her newest hobby is to make up random recipes and make them. She combines crackers and peanut butter with chocolate chips or sandwich with coconut and cheese...One day, I was allowing her to make some food around dinner time. I was doing a bit of manipulation of my own with available ingredients ("I don't have an extra container of frosting, but we have some corn...") And she ended up with salad with beans, corn, ground beef, tomatoes, cheese, chips, and sour cream. Coincidentally, we were having taco salad for dinner. She caught on at the end, and trumped my plan by putting sprinkles on it.

She has become quite the little mama to Jade, which is weird for the kid who almost didn't acknowledge her sister's existence for the first six months of her life. Yesterday Jade got hurt and went to Skyla, who was right there, for some TLC. Skyla took that cue and ran with it, and within five minutes had put Jade down for a nap and Preston into time out, which he willingly went to? I probably have to tell her an average of 10 times a day that she is not the mom here. She helps in other ways, too. Her standing chore is to empty the plastics out of the dishwasher. She usually does it quickly with little complaining. When that big attitude of hers earns her a little extra work around the house, she also is pretty good at mopping floors and folding laundry.

Skyla lost her second tooth today. After adamantly refusing to "sell" her tooth to the tooth fairy initially, she gave in last time. This time, however, she held her ground, deciding that she would sell one, keep one, sell one, keep one. I can't quite stand the thought of her having a collection of her baby teeth kicking around the house, so I went ahead and did the tooth-for-cash switcheroo even though it was on her dresser for safekeeping and not under her pillow. Does that make me a bad mother? Don't answer that. I believe that is why we invented the tooth fairy in the first place, so that we can get the baby tooth out of our sweet collection-prone kids' hands.




This kid keeps me laughing when I'm not banging my head on the wall. She has a natural knack for language, and picks up on idioms and other phrases easily. She will improvise on a chore and ask, "Is this going to cut it?" She notices me buying a certain brand and says, "I'm noticing that you are into that brand" or sees a baby at church who always has the big, cute, hairbows and says, "I think her mom (Hi, Jamie) has a thing for bows."

Skyla's passions are art and bugs. She can color and craft all.day.long. She has little interest in coloring books, but prefers to draw her own pictures and stories, filling a whole notebook with thoughtful drawings within a couple weeks. Her outfit selection is also reflection of that creativity. Sometimes I feel like I need a pin for her that says "I dressed myself" but ultimately, I choose not to fight that battle and allow her to use that as an outlet of self expression. Or maybe I'm just to lazy to argue with her about it. :) No matter where we are, the most interesting thing to her is what kind of bugs are there. The cicada invasion this summer was like a dream come true for her. I actually threatened to leave the pool one day if she didn't stop looking at all the bugs and start swimming. Don't judge...It becomes very tiresome to have to watch her look at bugs whenever we go somewhere.



Well, that is a glimpse into this petite little girl with the big attitude, who loves to be in charge and hates to have her hair done. Once when I asked her what was special about her (not the time she told me she was a super hero), she told me that she was the one who made me a mom. And she's quite right. And she is continually making me try to be a better mom. I feel so blessed to have this sweet and spunky child of God.

Done!!!...almost.

Before:

Yep. That has been in my house, in use, for that better part of a year. Gross, I know. The thing is, it's a set. A kindel set. And mostly, I fell in love with the cabinets.

See the buffet here, under the pile-o-frou-frouness (from Skylas birthday party last year):

The set is 45 years old and was in almost perfect condition, except the icky chair seats, (and one of the eight chair frames that was slightly cracking) which I cheerfully decided I could recover the seats. Ha! Never mind the fact that these aren't the kind that staple on underneath, or the fact that I don't own the tools needed, and that I don't have a bit of experience with upholstery. Well, after taking one apart, and I realizing what the heck I had gotten myself into, it sat for many more months, while I hemmed and hawed over whether I should try it. Finally, I decide there was no other option, as having it done for me would run between $600-800 and my half-hearted attempt to sell it on craigslist had failed (half-hearted because I really wanted to keep this set together, since it's been together for four and half decades, and there was no way I parting with the buffet or server.) I bought the pneumatic stapler, and ordered my cushions...so that was the point of no return.

And so it began. After resealing my dud of a new air stapler, pulling thousands of staples out of a very hard wood (earning me many cuts, puncture wounds, and blisteres later), sweeping up what was left of the old cushions, and carrying my 200 pound air compressor to the basement and then up again to the dining room (200 pounds may be an exaggeration, but I could barely move it), I began the reupholstery.


This was not the first time (though probably the most panicky) I thought, "Oh, crap. this isn't going to work. I have no idea what I am doing."

After I got it all stapled on there, it did work. It looked...pretty good. Except you could see all the staples. Then I had to start the dreaded double piping to hide the staples. I don't know if anyone else dreads it, but I sure did! After a few failed attempts, I hit my stride and ta-da!



They turned out as good as I could have hoped.

But that isn't the end of the story. Micah got a promotion yesterday. A big one. (Yay, Micah!) We celebrate that kind of thing with food around here. I grabbed some Culvers custard(he wanted something a bit more extravagant, but I wasn't feeling well enough to go out). As he sat down (in the one newly reupholstered chair that the frame was not rock-solid due to some cracking) to enjoy his victory custard, we heard a loud crack, locked eyes across the room-not in a good way, and the chair collapsed , splintering the wood in several places. Funny and tragic.(He's fine...just some minor bumps on the way down.) I knew I should reinforce that chair when I was working on it, but I didn't and now it's too late. Luckily, I have a couple more chairs (I did six of the eight) that just need the cane fixed so I can still have an even six with the set. It just means I have to go through the whole thing again...and learn how to re-cane a chair back. I mean, how hard could it be?

Fun with dead christmas tree lights...

Today was a rainy day so it was a good chance to get some chores done around the house. We are in full spring cleaning mode around here and I hardly recognize my laundry room, it looks so much better than the catch-all it had become. We did take the kids to see Rio, which was our bit of fun for the day. The rest of the day we spent cleaning out the garage (by "we" I mean mostly Micah) and gutters (that was all me, though.) I'm not sure I can recommend cleaning out gutters on a rainy day, but I'm only annoyed with the clogged gutters on rainy days, so I finally gave in today and just took care of it. The kids got a kick out of seeing me hanging out on the roof. Anyway, I got way off track here, the point is, Micah found some Christmas lights that were broken, and rather than throw them away (alright, in all fairness, we still threw away 99% of it) I cut off the pieces I needed to make the project that has been kicking around in the back of my mind. I cut off a light with a few inches coming out of it on either side, and some extra plain wire. I think I made this project in third grade to help me learn the states capitols or something. Anyway, I saw Christmas lights and figured I would make a game to help my kids match the capital letters with lower case letters. Here's how in case you feel like trying it out. First, I printed up the first half of the alphabet Capital on one side and lower case on the other in a random order, then punch out holes next to each letter.



Then I turned it over and ran a thin piece of aluminum foil between each of the matches punched out hole, COMPLETELY covering each piece with electrical tape and making sure that that the hole was completely filled with foil. This was a bit tedious.



Disclaimer: I have no idea how safe this is. I just figured it couldn't be that dangerous if I made it in school. However, being a good mom, I did try to get a shock out of it (thanks to my hero-husband for stepping up to be my guinea pig) but couldn't get shocked after I had it all put together. Anyway, if you're not too scared to proceed...Next, take a 9 volt battery, and your up-cycled Christmas lights. Basically, what you want to have happen is have your left handle connect to either your positive or negative bump thingy (I think that's the technical term) wrapped around and secured with more electrical tape. The other side of the battery will be connected to one of the two wires coming out of your Christmas light. The second wire coming out of your Christmas light will be connected to your other handle, of course any connection should be covered completely with more electrical tape.



Voila! Now, when you put the end of each handle on a match, it lights up! If your wrong, no light. I did make a couple other modifications after this picture. I taped a toothpick along the wire (more electrical tape!) to make a stiff handle to use to press on the letters and I printed the second half of the alphabet. I just lay it right over the first sheets letters so I didn't have to run the tape again. I figure, any kid who doesn't know their letter matches, probably won't bother memorizing the position of the matching points.

Neat Find

Preston was being a boy again and climbed up the tree in my front yard. This kid can't stop stealing his sister's thunder. It's bad enough that he learned to ride his bike the day after Skyla did, but she has been trying to get up this tree for a year, and still hasn't managed it. I could tell there was a nest right where he was, so I told him to look out for it, since there might be eggs in it that we don't want to hurt or touch. Sure enough, he looked in and saw there were two brand new baby birds and one egg! They must have hatched in the last day or so since there is still one egg to go and they are so tiny without hardly any feathers. As soon as I climbed up to take a picture, we found out mom and dad were in the tree also and they were not happy about having visitors. We snapped a couple of pictures and left the new family alone. What a cool thing to see!

I'm baaaack...

for now. With a boring project post. Sorry.

I needed something to do with the big empty wall behind my TV. I saw something online (check out the bottom picture here) that looked just like a giant plain canvas behind a TV, and figured I liked that more than anything else. So I decided to make it. I started watching tutorials on stretching canvas and building the frame, and figured, (you guessed it...) how hard could it be?

Hard. But definitely doable.

First I bought I huge roll of canvas, which kicked my butt into gear. I felt invested looking at that roll sitting there waiting for me do my project.

I started building my frame with 1x2's and then a quarter round on top of that. The purpose of the quarter round is so that the canvas basically doesn't touch frame except on the edge. Pretty clever. Also, very expensive. If I had skipped this step, which I'm not convinced was a real necessity, I could have shaved $25 off the cost. I think that is probably more important for artists, (you know, the people that usually use canvases to paint art, not solid colors)so that the surface of the picture doesn't perform differently around the edges.




That was all the frame building tutorial covered. Which would probably have been fine for 24" picture, but no so much for a 70" picture. I instantly realized I would need to put some supports in. Sadly, I hadn't bought enough wood for that since I was going off the online tutorials directions, so I had to make another trip to the Home Depot.

Incidentally, why is it every time I walk into the store, a prerecorded message comes over the loud speaker about keeping your kids safely buckled in the shopping cart within a minute? It's like someone sees me coming with three kids and pushes the button to tell me to buckle in my kids. I got news for you (well, them). a) I've been around the block (so to speak) with kids and carts and feel like I pretty much have it under control, and b)The straps don't even slow my kids down. In my opinion, they just create a false sense of security, since I am more likely to stand a couple feet away and turn for two seconds and find Jade standing in the top of the cart, the buckles hanging around her ankles.

Anyway...I got enough wood to put a support down the middle and a diagonal at each corner. I mitred each diagonal at a 45 degree angle and nailed them in. Very well. From both directions. That sucker was sturdy.



I then proceeded to start the canvas stretching process. It was hard. I got a blister on my wrist. Not really sure how, but I did. Finally, just before finishing the edges, I set it upright, and to my horror saw...a parallelogram. (I had a picture to show you, but most of my pictures magically went blank. Not deleted, just plain boxes :( ) Anyway, I couldn't figure it out. 45 degree angles and equal distances should have made perfect square corners, but it didn't. I called my dad to lament. Then I decided to take it apart, a pretty heart wrenching decision after all that work, but I knew I wouldn't be completely happy with it not-quite-square. I took each staple out of the canvas. Then I tried to take the supports out. Unfortunately, I had built it a bit too sturdy. I injured my leg and arm taking out the supports. I found a t-square and painstakingly put it back together, with perfect 90 degree corners. The t-square was absolutely imperative to getting this right (with my experience level, anyway...which is none...). For a smaller frame, you could probably get away without it, but due to sheer size on this big guy, a tiny error = a huge difference in the product. It was amazing how such a tiny difference could make such a huge difference in the whole frame. I stretched the canvas again. My hands felt like they were going to fall off from that little task.

Then the hardest task...choosing a paint color. I finally got a sample, which was almost enough, so I painted the parts that showed the best and did the part that would be hidden behind my TV stand last :)



Since I only spent $3 on paint, I won't feel bad when I change my mind and repaint it. I suppose I could change it with the seasons if I felt like it :)



It turned out pretty close to what I imagined. I wish I had done it a few inches wider. It's hard to tell, but comes out about three inches on each side of the TV stand, I would prefer it were more like 5-6". Sadly, that was a logistical problem since the wood came in 6' pieces and I would have had to buy the 10' pieces to go bigger which would mean a lot of wasted wood and money. I do think it adds something to what was a very, very boring wall. too bad the "before" picture is one of the blanks...you'll just have to imagine it. I may add a little decorative something (similar to this, perhaps) to it later...we'll see.


Anyway, here's the takeaway. This project was difficult (for someone who had never done something like this), but doable. And no matter what, don't try to do a 70" frame without a t square. Oh, yeah, and if you work at Home Depot stop pushing that button when I come in.

Another "My Day" Post

I’m having a productive day. Gotta love that. I figured since it seems like the clock slowed down and I seem to have time for everything, I could squeeze in a blog because everything seems funny or entertaining today. It’s only noon and all this has happened already:

The Good:

I deep cleaned all my bathrooms. And I have four. That is no small feat by itself.

I got Amazon Prime membership for free. (It was a black friday type special for moms and students, go check it out.) Now I get free two day shipping on pretty much everything. I may never have to go to Walmart again. (That may be an exaggeration.)

I vacuumed my carpet. No matter how clean everything else is, it never seems clean until you have nice vacuum lines in the carpet.

It’s a gorgeous day and we spent part of the morning outside playing. There is absolutely nothing in this world better that watching your kids play in fallen leaves. Nothing.

All the bedrooms were clean at the same time. I say "were" because it’s been at least 20 minutes so I’m assuming the status of some—if not all—of the bedrooms have changed.

Oxyclean seems to have saved my favorite sweater after I tried to ruin it by leaning into raw beef. Oops. Good thing I have 15 pounds of that stuff. You thought I was exaggerating again? No. I shop at Costco. I actually have 15 pounds of oxyclean.

Preston was running in circles with his blanket/cape when Skyla said in a mother voice, “Be careful, Batman, you might trip on your cape and fall.” Is it just me, or is that really funny?

These videos made me laugh

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aE-I12IOb4g&feature=player_embedded

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ZCoPhvf1f0&feature=player_embedded


The Bad:

I was planning to do Christmas pictures this week, but Jade fell off a ride-on toy and got a huuuge goose egg on her forehead.

Preston dumped his full lunch plate face down on the just cleaned floor.

I accidently hit the printer with my knee (now under the desk) and started 100 blank copies. The catcher tray wasn’t out so the paper was just flying out. It managed to spit a couple dozen at me while I attempted to stop it. I’m lucky I escaped without a bunch of paper cuts.

My computer power button is lit up bright blue when it’s on. To a one year old, this loudly screams, “Push me!!!” And she does. Often.

The Ugly:

I got distracted when we were outside and started looking for a certain paint on the garage shelves, I turned to see my baby sitting in the middle of the cul-de-sac. Yikes. Dang, she’s getting fast.

The baseboards in my bathroom. Wow. Gross.

Anyway, all things considered, it’s been a pretty awesome Monday and we still have half the day to look forward to, which mostly means laundry and more cleaning, since I try to get all the crap work done on Mondays. But we still have nap time ahead of us, too. :)